Feeling a bit down again. and I have figured out why. I feel like I’m straying a bit form parts of my core – the things that I self-define as that make up a significant chunk of my identity. In short, I have not been doing any art, and my local circumstances and internal excuses for not doing art are distressing me rather a lot. The house, including my workspace, is a huge, untidy mess, and that mess is almost 100% my doing. I have many, many excuses for it, some of which even hold water for more than a few seconds, but none of them useful – because I really, really need to get this stuff dealt with so that I can get working again. This sort of thing also leads to me feeling a bit off in my social interactions (whether anyone else notices this or not, I feel this way – and if any of you have noticed anything amiss, and need to talk about anything, please do contact me directly). I have many other excuses as well, but they all boil down to, in one form or another, “waaah, I don’ wanna do X right now” and then procrastinating (which seems pretty lame for the adult I claim to be). The various forms of “X” are pretty widespread, so I feel that I’m spinning my wheels in lots of areas, and quite likely disappointing people; I’m certainly not happy with myself right now.
So, going to work on that, basically starting now – seems as good a time as any.